Obsessions and Goals

Trinidad Bay

I am a very goal driven and obsessive person. I tend to feel alive when I have something to look forward to or work towards. Without some kind of ‘next big thing’ in my life, I begin to feel empty. For almost 2 weeks I spent just about every spare moment planning (or just being excited about) the Northern California coastal trip. Following this trip I had basked in its afterglow, but soon thereafter, began to feel a longing for something new.

I started planning out a Southern California coastal trip to see the remaining three lighthouses on my list, but due to the limitations of visiting times, realized a trip to cover those would not be so easy. Besides, the trip seemed too similar in nature to the recent one, and I came to think that it was a copycat operation.

Ultimately, this all got me to think about my obsessive personality and my goal seeking nature. I think the sense of obsession never disappears, it simply takes different forms over time. When I was younger, I was completely obsessed with hockey (there’s a reason I have so many hockey pictures on my site). At some point, this obsession transformed to reading philosophy, developing Software, then lacrosse, and now the coast and lighthouses consume my time.

My obsession for the coast has not subsided, nor have past obsessions died out. I still play hockey, enjoy reading philosophy, play lacrosse and like writing Software. However, this latest trip has left me wanting more than just a hobby- of visiting lighthouses and touring the coast- to obsess over.

I have a strong, increasingly growing desire (which is becoming an intense goal) to move out to the coast- in the near future- and away from the seemingly straight-line, restricted path of standard life. I often wonder if my obsession is enough to bring about this goal or will this forever just remain a hobby. If these hobbies and obsessions merely remain just those, will I continuously develop more? And assuming I do pursue this coastal desire, how long will I feel a sense of accomplishment?